Blended Family Wedding Vows

Vows Can Highlight the Family Unit

Wedding vows are typically very personal, said only to your significant other, standing in front of you and your guests. However, when children are involved, you can use your vows to reinforce the new family being created by the marriage.

Children can be uncertain about what the wedding and marriage will mean for their place in the family. A new stepparent and potential new brothers and sisters can create a stressful situation for the children involved. By explaining to the children that they are a very important part of this new family and express how excited you both are to begin this new life as a family will help them feel loved and included. Asking children for their help in the wedding ceremony vows, or other parts of the wedding planning, can help ease their uncertainty.

Writing Blended Family Wedding Vows

Children may or may not want to be involved in the actual ceremony vows. If not, it is important not to force the issue. The vows parents say to one another should include the children, regardless of their role in the ceremony.

Your officiate may have some suggestions for some sample vows that you can use in a blended family wedding ceremony. Choose the one that best fits your new family's personalities. You may also choose to write your own wedding vows.

Write original wedding vows carefully. Children who have lost a parent, gone through a messy divorce, or who are unsure about the new life their parents are embarking upon are often sensitive to the idea of a "replacement" mom or dad. Instead of trying to fulfill that role, focus on other positive aspects of the new relationship. Vows can include some or all of the following, depending on the dynamics of your new family:

• Promise to love and support the child's mother or father (new spouse)
• Vow to support, guide and encourage the child in their hopes and dreams
• Mention the happiness the new family will bring
• Promise to provide and care for them as if they were your very own

Blended Family Vow Alternatives

Including the children in family wedding vows is a wonderful way to unite the two families. However, it is not the only way to include children in the wedding ceremony. Some other ideas for for blended family wedding ceremony may include:

• Give the children a special token or gift that represents the new family unit. This can be done as part of the service, with a few words spoken, or just before or after the ceremony. Common gifts include family rings, a medallion with the wedding date engraved on it, a pin, necklace, or bracelet.
• Include the children in a Sand Ceremony.  Let each child choose his or her own color of sand and create a beautiful keepsake for display in your new home together.
• Ask children to light the unity candle in lieu of the bride and groom. This is a simple but meaningful ritual often included in both civil and religious wedding ceremonies, which symbolizes the two families becoming one.
• Children can also join the wedding ceremony as part of the bridal party, serving as the Flower Girl, Ring Bearer, Junior Bridemaids or Groomsman. Children can also choose to do special reading too.

Creating blended family wedding vows can be a touching and personal way to share the joining of not just two people, but of an entire family. When done carefully, lovingly and with respect for the children involved, these types of vows can be very moving and memorable.